THE BOISTEROUS BAND
by One with the Purple Eyes
Summary: I wrote this a long time ago as "Book the Twelfth". The Baudelaire orphans are sent to their second cousin and forced to join his elaborately awful band. Count Olaf shows up and danger awaits. Unfinished.


_A/N: I found this story in a Harry Potter notebook from many years ago. I think it is probably one of the first fanfiction stories that I wrote. The writing style is not very good, but my fifth grade plot is amusing. Hope you enjoy these two chapters that I found. It takes place after The Grim Grotto. Dr. K.K is the only O/C. All other characters belong to Lemony Snicket. This is a fan work._

THE BOISTEROUS BAND

If you saw the Baudelaire orphans now you would have thought that they were street beggars, but really they were orphans waiting at the bus stop to go to yet another relative. They were going to go live with their second cousin, Dr. K.K. Wreath. Even though he was Dr. K.K. Wreath, he was not really a doctor. He had simply earned his doctorate in music. The children had never heard of him before.

Violet Baudelaire was an inventor. She loved to invent. When her hair was tied up in a ribbon, it meant she was thinking about inventing. Klaus Baudelaire was a reader. He loved to read. He'd stay up all night reading. Sunny Baudelaire was a biter. She loved to bite things.

"This is boring," Klaus finally said. "What time is the bus supposed to arrive?"

"4:30 p.m.—that's in five minutes," answered Violet.

Klaus sighed. "We've been waiting here for hours. I know Mr. Poe dropped us off here two hours early, because he didn't want to miss—"

"A day at the bank," Violet chimed in.

"He's so obsessed with the bank," said Klaus. "Every time he just leaves us on our own so he can go back to the bank."

"I know. It's—" Violet was going to say 'it's like he doesn't care about us', but she was cut off by the sound of the bus pulling up. The door opened.

"We'd better go," Klaus said.

The Baudelaire orphans got onto the bus. They sat at the back of the bus. Fifteen minutes later they arrived at a mansion. They checked the address. It was the right one.

"This is the nicest place yet," Klaus said.

"Yes," Violet agreed.

"Garf," agreed Sunny, who was an infant and still spoke baby language.

The three Baudelaire orphans walked toward the building. Halfway there they heard a sound—several sounds. They walked closer. It grew louder.

"Bana," said Sunny, which probably meant 'look in the window! It's a band!'. Violet and Klaus looked to where Sunny was pointing. In the window they saw about twenty people playing instruments.

They walked to the door. Violet who was the oldest—fourteen to be exact—rang the doorbell.

The music stopped.

They heard footsteps. The door opened. There stood a very handsome middle-aged man.

"Hello, you must be the Baudelaires," he said. "I am your second cousin, Dr. K.K. Wreath." He said all of this without looking at the children. Then he looked. "Aaaaaaah," he said.

"What?" asked Violet.

"You are so dirty and dreary looking," he answered. "If you are to live with me you must be clean. Servants, get these children bathed and clothed by 5 p.m. sharp."

The Baudelaires could tell that this man was a neat freak.

"And give the boy contacts. And redo the girl's hair," he said.

"What's wrong with my hair?" asked Violet.

"Nothing. It's just messy and I HATE braids. Oh and call me Dr. K.K.. Got it?"

The Baudelaires nodded. The servants took them away. The Baudelaires had their baths and got dressed. The servants took Klaus's glasses, snapped them in half, and threw them away. They told Klaus how to use contacts. After that they curled Violet's hair.

When the Baudelaires were finished, the servants brought them to a room. They opened the door. The children walked in. The room was full of people with instruments. Dr. K.K. was in the front.

"Welcome, children. Everyone these are the orphans I am taking in. Let's see, you boy, take that. It's a tuba that you'll play," said Dr. K.K.

"But I've never played a tuba," Klaus said.

"You will learn soon enough," said Dr. K.K. "And for you, girl, a flute. The infant shall play the chimes. Take your instruments and books. There are three seats at the back for you," said Dr. K.K.

Miserably, the orphans took the instruments and the books and went to the three indicated seats. They opened their cases.

"Violet?" Klaus said.

"What?" asked Violet.

"How do you put it together?" asked Klaus.

"Oh. I'll do it," answered Violet and with that she tied up her hair. She managed to put all of their instruments together correctly.

"I'm only twelve. He expects me to be able to hold this up and play it?" said Klaus.

"Calu," said Sunny, which probably meant 'I can't bite this metal'.

"Let's see if our books tell us how to play." The children opened their books. It told them how to hold and play their instruments.

Klaus tried first. Blow. Blow. Blow. "Nothing," said Klaus.

"Let me try mine," Violet said. Blow. Blow. "Nothing."

"Dap," said Sunny, which meant 'let me try'. Sunny moved the metal stick across the hanging metal. Chingaling.

"It's not fair Sunny got the easiest one," Klaus said.

"It is fair. Sunny's only a baby," said Violet.

"OK. Everyone take out 'Jesu Man of Joy's Desiring'," Dr. K.K. said.

Violet took out hers. "Great, the hardest piece," Violet said gloomily.

"For you," said Klaus.

"Not fair," said Violet.

"Blan," Sunny said, which meant 'it's fair since you're the eldest'.

"Ready and start," Dr. K.K. said. Everyone but Violet and Klaus started. "Stop," said Dr. K.K. "Why aren't you two playing?"

"We don't know how," answered Klaus.

"What?" yelled Dr. K.K.

"I tried blowing in it, but no sound came out," Klaus said.

"Well, of course no sound came out. You don't blow. You buzz," said Dr. K.K.

"How do I buzz?" asked Klaus.

"Like this," Dr. K.K. buzzed for Klaus. "You try it," he said. Klaus did and it made a sound. However, it was the wrong one. It sounded like 'eeeh-onnnn-sqeeeeak'. "Go to your room now! Bring your instrument and practice," said Dr. K.K.

"Where is my room?" asked Klaus.

"Servants, show him his room," said Dr. K.K.

Klaus staggered all the way up there because of his heavy instrument. When he was out of the room, Dr. K.K. turned to Violet. "Try blowing down," he said.

Violet nodded and blew.

"Excellent. Now play this song for me," said Dr. K.K.

Violet started then stopped.

"What's wrong now?" said Dr. K.K.

"I don't know any notes," Violet answered.

"What? Go join your brother," said Dr. K.K.

Violet left. She walked down the passage that she had seen her brother leave. She turned the corner. He wasn't there. She kept walking and turning. "Oh no," said Violet, "I'm lost."

Violet walked and walked. Dead end. Turn around. Walk. Walk. She saw a crack of light under a door. Thinking it was Klaus, she opened the door but not all the way.

There she saw Count Olaf talking to his assistant, the white faced lady. "Where are they? I can't find the Baudelaires anywhere," said Count Olaf. "I guess I'll have the rest of my acting crew scouting. But for now I will stay here and play bass clarinet in the band."

Violet turned around and left. She ran as silently as she could. All of a sudden someone tanked her into a room. "Aaaaaaah," Violet screeched.

"Violet, it's only me, Klaus. This is our room," Klaus said.

Violet looked at Klaus then at the room. The room was humongous with three beds. It had a small kitchen and a bathroom. "Klaus," said Violet.

"What?" asked Klaus.

"Count Olaf is here, but he doesn't know we're here. We have to disguise ourselves and learn how to play our instruments," Violet said.

"What? How are we going to disguise ourselves?" asked Klaus.

"I've got a plan," said Violet.

_A/N: Yes, that was perfectly dreadful writing, but it is interesting to compare it to my more recent works. I don't think I even knew what fanfiction was when I wrote this. So funny to look back on it._


End file.
